The Backdrop: Why stop Effexor now?

I began tapering off Effexor 14 days ago.  My dosage was 150mg in the morning, 150 mg in the afternoon and 75mg at night.  I took my last dose, 37.5mg, at 5am.  I am choosing to blog about the effects because I have had experience with Effexor withdrawal in the past and each time it was so severe that I had to go back on it in order to be able to function/work. I have been on Effexor for over 15yrs.  I feel like a junkie who tries to kick the habit but can't handle the detox.  Phizer is my dealer.

Over the past 4 years I have become less and less able to function.  Pain and fatigue coupled with overwhelming panic have lead to a steady decline in employment status.  In 2010, I worked 40+ hours a week as the team leader of a mental health Partial Hospitalization program.  Today I work limited per diem hours and my last 2 week paycheck was about a hundred dollars.  I'm good at what I do but my body wont let me do it.

I have spent three years going to doctors in order to find out what is wrong. General practictioners, rhumatologists, neurologists, gynecologists, cardiologists, and many other healthcare providers can find nothing wrong with me.  In the meantime, I am in so much pain at times that I walk like an old lady; I am so fatigued I don't go out unless I have to (I haven't been out to a movie or for leisure shopping for over a year); I have passed out several times and I begin sweating and having heart palpitations without warning. 

Finally, after my physical problems again limited me by keeping me from our traditional family christmas eve with my parents and brothers' families, I made a well thought out decision to kill myself. I did not attempt it.  I talked to my husband and went to the hospital. 

My physican and I felt that the Effexor was not working.  Breakthrough anxiety and withdrawal symptoms had been occuring with increased frequency and he wondered if, having again run all the tests for other causes, the severe fatigue, pain and panic might be related to using Effexor for 15 yrs.

So after 10 days of tapering down while in the hospital, my insurance refused to cover anymore days.  I am no longer actively suicidal. Now I must manage my detox and withdrawal on the outside.  That's what this blog is about.