Back to reality

I spent 10 days in the psychiatric hospital.   Delusions and hallucinations.  When I went to see my psychologist, he became very concerned.  I guess I was slurring my words, part of my mouth was drooping, and I wasn't making sense.  He took me to the ER and was concerned about neurological problems.  I remember parts of the process.  Hypersensitivity to light, sound and touch lead to some reactive behaviors. I do know I was very irritable and snapped a lot at people.  I don't recall much about the first day in the hospital.  I was in a great deal of pain and needed a wheel chair to walk.  The doctor put me back on effexor at the lowest dose every other day.  I also went off of the lithium. 

It was quite an experience to perceive the world with special knowledge.  It felt so real and important.  I can't explain the thought process but I felt I understood the universe and God in an important way and needed to share it with the world.  In a way I miss it and wish I had written during that time.

I'm still taking Effexor every other day.  I can't get in to see the psychiatric nurse practitioner for 2 months.  We have very few psychiatric providers in the area.  I was told by the hospital that my PCP was contacted and had agreed to perscribe my effexor, wellbutrin and ativan until I got in.  I saw him yesterday and he informed me that he would not. The intake worker at the PNP's office agreed to ask her if she would fill the meds until my appt with her.  Not sure of the answer yet. 

Still having crying fits but the anger has subsided.  No brain shocks.  Nauseous, all over pain, fatigue, anxiety, anhedonia and depression persist.  I decided to go back on my lamictal (I was taken off during my first hospitalization).  I going to take 100mg BID.  I needed to control the mood swings and cannot wait 2 mos to try something.  I started yesterday and feel it has helped. I probably responded more quickly due to my body still being set up to process it.  I have only been off of it for 3 weeks.

I am doing some yoga to help with the pain.  It hurts like crazy while I'm doing it and wipes me out but when I'm done the pain has been moderately alleviated.  The pain and fatigue is not new.  It was part of the reason I have been increasingly limited in my ability to work over the last 4 years.  It is also the reason I became suicidal.  I still feel hopeless. 

My new PCP (Dr. I Am Resurrection...no kidding) referred me to a rheumatologist but I could not get an appointment until May.  I saw him over a year ago and was told I had Fibromyalgia how ever Dr. Resurrection said that there was no note of any kind placed in my record from the visit. He also set me up for a sleep study.  I have very little hope than anything will come of these visits as I have been through all of this in the past.  I also have to do blood work.  I'll follow through as I have no choice.  Maybe some day someone will figure it out.